Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
