Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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