Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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