In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
