the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
