it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
