But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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