Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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