legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
