If i come over, it means nothing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
