I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
