God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize