You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there's paper in my vomit.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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