I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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