Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
