I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize