my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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