So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
