i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
