we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
