Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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