Little spoons don't ask big questions
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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