Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
