I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
