Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
