I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
