There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
