At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
