I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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