I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So vagazzling was a success
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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