1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize