Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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