Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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