ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
