fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
3 2 1 whiskey
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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