True but thats because hes a fetus.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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