Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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