Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
