My room smells like vodka and shame
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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