$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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