Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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