Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
