so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize