remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
