Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
