we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize