Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
