You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this just has baby written all over it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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