girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
