So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
