Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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