You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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