My hand turned me down
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
