Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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