i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
