Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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