he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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