then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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