That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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