I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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