I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
