Soap is not a condiment
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
