well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
