ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
