I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
