shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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