bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
