I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
